The Game of Self Domination with Natsune Oki

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Intro: 0:01
The right habits puts you in control of your health, relationships, mindset, and more. But most people lack the tools to stick with those habits long enough to see results that is about to change. Welcome to the unshakable habits podcast with your host, habit change specialist and speaker, Stephen Box. Join us each week as experts share their stories, experiences and insights and give you the tools to build unshakable habits so you can live life on your terms. It's time to take your habits from unsustainable to unshakable.

Stephen Box: 0:46
Hey, everybody, welcome to the unshakable habits podcast. I'm your host, Stephen Box. And I'm joined today by the owner of Life of education TV, the author of the book. I forget the name of your book already. I just...the game of self-domination. Thank you. I just had a complete brain freeze there four minutes. Please help me in welcoming in Natsune Oki to the show today. Hi, Stephen, thank you very much for having me. definitely appreciate you being here today. So one thing that we're going to do today is we're going to dive through your story because you help people really with their mindset, that that's your specialty, especially people who struggle to keep that positive mindset, who are struggling to live their, their dreams out. Because you have had that experience yourself, you've got this great story of going from struggling to being very successful. And we're gonna walk through that. But I want for the audience to look at your story through our unshakeable framework. This is a framework that you will see over and over again in life, and different people might use different terminology for it. But you're gonna see this play out, and you're gonna see all these different parts today in Natsune's story. So the first thing is you have to have a vision. Once you have a vision in place, you either have to start to recognize what skills you already have, that you can utilize, or you have to create new skills. And then in order to create those skills, you're going to need to take some daily actions from Make sure you're looking out for those three parts that vision, those skills and those actions. As you listen today, and see where you can take her story and use it in your own life to be able to achieve your dreams. for Natsune, tell me a little bit about your backstory.

Natsune Oki: 2:56
Yes, so my name is Natsune Oki, I'm a speaker at the life up education tv.com. I'm also the author of the book called the game of self domination, which is very interesting how you describe the framework, because I also talk about that of like, how someone can create mental transformation in three different phases, I actually break it down into three phases. I also have this business consultancy in Tokyo, that advises companies in Japan in America how to expand lounge and expand their businesses in Japan and America in by providing like marketing, branding, PR service, and also project management service. And that's what I do.

Stephen Box: 3:40
So you stay pretty busy. That sounds like,

Natsune Oki: 3:43
huh, yeah, it's it's a lot of moving parts that I always have to like, you know, keep up with, but I like it. I like to keep myself busy.

Stephen Box: 3:55
So now, when you talk about all these different things that you're doing, how did you how did you get here? So kind of take us back to the beginning. I know, when we talked before we need our pre interview. You talked about, you know, moving over to the United States for a little while. And you're in Japan now. Right? But you lived over in the United States for a while. And that was a bit of a struggle while you were here. So this is not something that you just woke up one day and you were successful. This was a process that you had to go through. Yeah, I think there's a lot of lessons to be learned in that process of come take us back to when you came over to the US and you were struggling a little bit.

Natsune Oki: 4:38
Yes. So actually, I'm still struggling as of today, right? Like, just like everybody else. Like I'm just trying to do my best at the best I know. And every day is still battle and I picked this battle. That's why like, I truly appreciate the growth journey. Like I'm not trying to be about like someone else's growth journey. Right. So That's why like, I actually anyway, so take him back to where I started. I, I was a student here until high school. And I was born and raised in Japan. I didn't speak English I was, so to speak, kind of, like, failing student, the school system, they don't really fit me like although I, I was like, Okay, okay, so here in Japan, high school is kind of works like University, like at the high school level people kind of judge you by your IQ. And people already make assumption of how successful you become by high school. So from that standard, I wasn't I didn't go to like bad school, quote, unquote, like I went to actually like, somewhat smart school. But in that, in that group, I just didn't fit in I, I struggled a lot of finding my identity. And that's the age where you're very sensitive of finding who you are, right. But I basically got into the school and I lost my drive, because I studied really hard. They're like, I already had this, like, you know, hustler mentality. Like I literally studied, like, 1213 hours, like every day just to get to that school. But yeah, I, I struggled through that. And during that time, what I noticed was I, I didn't fit in, and because the school taught us how to be part of the group. And that was an environment that I felt just really uncomfortable with being. So I decided to go to the United States, because I knew that in this society of all I know, Japanese society, I wouldn't be considered as having a bright future, like somewhat, I couldn't fit in this box. That's why people kind of wanted to get rid of me, wherever I go, like, I would have my own opinion, I wanted to express it and everything like that. And that wasn't very interesting to anyone else. That was kind of annoying to people, I noticed. So that's why I decided to go to the United States, because I heard about this country have this like great freedom. And, you know, everybody can have this great opportunity that at the time I didn't have it felt like here. So I needed to seek out for like a big change. So without speaking English without necessarily having like any plan, really, I went to the States, I went to the United States. And I started studying English first. And I got into this two year college that's like, very popular for any international students. And I finished my business degree there. And at the time, it just didn't make sense for anyone to hire me because again, like you're you're thinking about this Japanese girl like teenager who's just had this like two year degree who doesn't even speak good English, like she doesn't know nothing, right? Like no company wanted to hire me. However, my second the courageous journey started there. Like it just didn't make sense for me to go out of the school system to get like actual working, working experience competing against other Americans, right? There just wasn't enough reason for me to do that. But something inside of me really like pushed me to go out of that like education system to actually go get real world experience in American environment. And another thing I was very attracted to was entrepreneurship. Somehow I already like somehow I always admire this like, hustler, like working really hard, like building something from nothing. Because referring back to the high school, like that experience, where I studied really hard. I had to study hard because I was stupid. I wasn't stupid, but like, I didn't have a good grade at all. Like I it was, and people told me that it was unrealistic for me to pick that school. It's like we're talking about like, university, school working as university system in America, right? Like, in high school is a big deal. Like which school you go to. So it was impossible. People told me what's impossible, but it was that drive that I had it was this like the distance that I had that really fired me up and then same kind of feeling. I had impression I had for entrepreneurship. That's why I really wanted to go in there. Yeah. So again, like without necessarily making sense of like, how that could have worked. I just jumped in like I didn't have money. I didn't have a place to live for that matter, right. Like I just fresh out of college. I didn't even have any network. No money, like broken English, like everything. And I just had Don't know where just like, started hassling networking, meeting tons of people making tons of friends. And finally, actually, I landed this position, like a marketing role role in Seattle tech hub. Like, there was a big hub in Seattle. That was for tech entrepreneurs. So I slowly kind of started getting into the community and started like, networking and getting to know a lot of people. So I found some opportunities, even though I, I didn't, it didn't make sense for me to have opportunity to begin with. And then during that time, there's something incredible happened that led me to life education, to me today was that I was really inspired by how these leaders were leading to the next future, using the power of technology, they were so excited about what technologies are enabling us to do, like enabling us to create it wasn't? Well, of course, it's a business. So it is a bit of a bit of money topic. But there was something beyond the money, like they were truly excited about creating a future for the humanity using the power of technology. And we were literally taking the level of humanity from here to there that to the next level. And that was such an inspiring experience for me. And am I speaking too much, I feel like I need your good. I really I need to ask you.

Stephen Box: 11:38
If you if you need a break, I can no I can't.

Natsune Oki: 11:44
But I'm gonna I'm gonna finish this story. But I'm going to keep it quick, because I'm sure that we have more interesting questions to talk about later. But so long story short, it really inspired me during that period, where I got to work with tech entrepreneurs and investors who were building the future. And there was this excitement that I couldn't I could literally feel and picked myself. And that led me to study economics over business, because what I noticed at the time was I was interested in future two things. I was interested in future and I was interested in people this money for people like how things impact people's life, I wasn't so much money driven. So what I noticed was like, it's a better I study economics, because economics has subject for business money, but also it has a lot of space for people putting, like politics, technology, education, like all that things combined. So I decided to study economics. And after that year, I, I finished school, and I needed it, I was ready for the new challenge. Right? So I was in Seattle for the past like seven years at that time, or six years. At that point, I moved to Florida so completely the opposite side of the country. And once again, starting from nothing I didn't even have I didn't even have an idea of like where I would live right like no apartment, no place to live, no money, nothing, no connection, no job, whatever. I just moved. And I hustled again to like, find my position and I actually went through some kind of like, very unquestionable, companies like to get to like my Finally, more like stable role as a consultant later on. But it was also another very critical time of my life. Because first of all, I think it that decision says a lot about who I am, like I'm, I'm a theorist I body experience over money, I bought it like, I was looking for that, like desperation again, like I needed that in order for me to grow. So it was such a critical part of and then also my entertainment career, like a very little entertainment career kind of started at that time. So it was really good. But anyway, so later on, basically, what I was able to do was I found this, like, marketing consulting role in this business consulting company in Miami, and I stayed there and I eventually came back to Japan, and I was selling their service to Japanese clients. And eventually, I decided that maybe it makes sense that I do the same of what I do now. But do it for more companies from America, so I would just sell services from America to Japanese companies, or do the vice versa. So that's how I lead to foreign Connect. And at the time, I was also running my own like clothing brand, beyond our baby story. And then around the same time um, I decided that I wanted to go into media more. I wanted to be in front of people because I am good at like talking to people. I'm good at, like, I'm good with people, I love people. And I had this vision and inspiration about creating a future for people, right? And I thought about what can I do? Do I want to be startup owner who like this might change later on. But at the time, when I asked myself a question, I just didn't think that I would be good, like, technology startup owner, my strengths is like media, my strengths is talking to people, my strengths is being on camera. So I decided that life of education TV is great, because it covers that the purpose of life education TV that I have is to encourage people eating individual people, but also at the same time, by encouraging individual people's performance, I'm really adding them up to the macro performance. And therefore, we as a humanity can create the best outfit macro at the macro level. So that's like a very short version of what it is. But basically, that's how I got into the story of life of education TV, and I feel like I've been speaking for like three hours by now. So let's, let's give some space for your comments or something.

Stephen Box: 16:30
Alright, so well, I love the fact that that was the short version. That was, were you sure? Wow, that was one of my story. So let's, let's although although you you really kind of glossed over a lot of details there to shorten that up, I want to kind of go back and revisit some of because I want to make sure that people didn't miss a few really key points in there. Okay. So number one is, you had this experience multiple times in your life where people doubted you yet where you didn't necessarily live up to the standard that other people thought you should have. And I think that's something that a lot of people can relate to. Yeah. But what happens a lot of times is we allow those stories to become our identity, right? So it's, oh, we know, I'm not smart. I can't do this. And what I love about your story is you kind of had this attitude of You know what? No one in I'm not saying you initially thought about it this way. I'm, I'm rephrasing in just a little bit. So they is almost like your, your story came across to me, as you know, people don't expect much of me. So if I fail, all I've done is lived up to expectations. But if I don't feel if I'm successful, then I proved everybody wrong. Now, I think you're probably more motivated by the prove everybody else wrong part of that. But it's, it's a part of that where I think that's a valuable lesson for people to see is this so often, we were about what if I hell? Yeah. So what so what if you do,

Natsune Oki: 18:24
like, Hmm, I think I was driven a lot by proving someone wrong before. But as I go more and more deep to my journey, I don't think about how people think about me now at all. Like, I think major things that I learned so far is that I don't mean shit to anyone. That goes for my success that goes for my failure, right? Like, no one's life is predicated on my failure, nor success. So whatever I achieve, or whatever I do as a failure, that would have mean anything to anyone else, you know. So, for me right now, it feels more like I do things out of my necessity. Like, there's this quote that I heard from, you know, Musk that really stuck with me. He says, if you need an inspiring word, to pursue your dream, don't do it. Yeah. And I think about that a lot. Like, I just feel like it's becoming part of what I need to do in order for me to be happy. And other than, like, I need to show someone you know, and I think when you don't have like when you get rid of that, like, I need to show someone, you can be more patient, because it's a very slow process that you have to go through and there's going to be a lot of mental illness legislations that's going to try to bring you down Right, right. But when you are truly focusing on like, Not your relatives, not your parents, not your friends, not your competitor, not no and but your progress, then you have a more willingness and patience to, to see your process, right. Like even if it happens slower. Yeah. So for me, it feels a lot more like that right now that I just do things out of the necessity more than having to prove some something to someone.

Stephen Box: 20:29
And I love the clarification there. Because I should have actually put that in past tense because you, you did feel that way. Obviously. Now we've looked at your book, write your book is about self domination. It's not about world domination. Right? So how, like, you will leave it up to the audience decide whether world domination is the next step or step backward?

Natsune Oki: 20:56
Well, let me just kidding, I don't want to dominate the world. It's already enough like to dominate my soul. Like that's a lot to dominate.

Stephen Box: 21:09
It might be easier to dominate the world. Yeah, maybe, actually, yeah, maybe this step backwards. So when I was listening to your story, though, you know, we talked about the framework, and we saw kind of version one of the framework in your story already. You had this vision of your vision evolve over time it started as, okay, I'm going to go somewhere else, where I can get a fresh start, where I don't have these expectations that are put on me here. And you know, so I'm going to go to America, it's this land of opportunity. And I'm going to try to be successful there. And because you had this vision of what you wanted your life to be, you didn't allow things like the fact that you didn't really speak English, you didn't allow the fact that you had no money that you had nowhere to stay, that you didn't know anybody there anything like that you didn't, you didn't allow that to be like, Oh, I can never do that. Because I don't have any, any reason to be able to do it, you just did it, you just took that chance. Yeah. And then when you get to Seattle, you get around all these people who have their own visions, and you're getting to see the way they're manifesting their visions. And then that seems to inspire you a little bit to start thinking more about what you wanted your vision to be. And that's when you're like, Hey, you know what, money is great. You're not going to turn down the money, right? But at the same time, that's not what you're all about you, you kind of saw how these people were very passionate about helping make the world better. And you're like, you know what, I want to do something like that, I want to have a positive impact on people's lives. And so you started that process. And then you realized, Hey, you know what, I maybe need to study economics instead of business. And so you went out. And that's a skill that you started to develop. And then you took actions, you went to school, you studied hard, you went out you met people, you did all these things to build up that skill set, so that you have that better understanding of these things. So we've already seen kind of version one of the framework in your life, where you've taken that, then, when you started doing the consulting, and you came back to Japan, now all of a sudden, you kind of get this new vision of Hey, you know, what, still kind of in the same area, but now I have this other opportunity that's kind of, you know, associated with what I'm doing. It's the same kind of work, but I can do this for myself. So the alternative vision became, rather than just working for someone else, it was working for yourself, and doing this on your own. And then, you know, as you further develop your vision, you started saying, You know what, I want to have entertainment stuff, I want to inspire people, I want to do all these different things. And so now you have the life of education TV, which you have just like content is all over the place, right? Like I was, I was checking out some of your videos. And it's like, it's the only place I've seen that where you can go and get your mindset tips for the day. Watch somebody seeing and get makeup tips. It's all it's all in one place. Oh, yeah. Get it all there. It's like one stop shop. So yeah. See, yeah, so I see you get this vision. And this vision has evolved over time. And I think sometimes people do get caught up on this idea that they have to know everything right now that we need to know every single detail. Everything has to be planned out. And we have to live this perfect existence. And, you know, that's the other thing I love with your stories you started off with, hey, Yes, I have. I'm a book author. I'm a speaker. I have of my website, I have a successful company. But you know what, I'm still struggling. Because I'm not perfect. And this is an ongoing every day probably for the rest of my life kind of thing, right? It's not, you're never going to arrive, you're never going to be there. It's always something that you're constantly going to get better on. So that's my summary of your story for the audience.

Natsune Oki: 25:25
Yes. And I want to add one thing. Yes. Well, there was this quote, and I love that you brought it up about, like, it's a constant battle. It's a constant like improvement. There's one quote that I heard, that really stuck with me in my head. Now, I can't remember his name, but he's like a spiritual person. I think from sylia. He said, If you are stupid, you're confused. If you are smart, perhaps you're more confused. So life is not about figuring out everything. Your life is about figuring out how to use your confusion to your benefit. And to me that was that made perfect sense. Like that gave me so much gravity. I think no one's figured out anything. Right? Like, like, that's why like, what I talked about this, what I talk about in my book a lot is, you know, if you are someone who wants to get to like that place, and then you think that you're going to be happy forever, like that story doesn't exist in my in my book, I'm always like, pushing for. It's a continuous journey. No, it's it's missy. Like, there's no this answer. There's no this secret and answer that you can like, somehow get the right. And people don't feel comfortable about that, like people like to be told that there's this answer. There's this one perfect island that you can get through or something like that in the end of the day, right? It's super uncomfortable. But the truth is, there is none of that, right? And if you think about it, like everything we create today is manmade. And if you think about it, it's so crazy. But the concept of time is even made, like concept of time still even have a lot of subjectivity in it, depending on who's experiencing it. Yeah. So I read this crazy thing. Someone said, the true unit of measure is the only energy. How much like how many particles are existing and none object is the only true unit of measurement. And what we know today in today's science, everything else we have even going from one plus one equal to like everything is man made. So life is like that, like we made answers so that things can become easy for us to understand. That's why we always we are told to look for answer one plus one equals two. Like we were told to look for the some sort of pattern recognition and rules, right? But at the very like, deep like life, there is no answer for anything, right? So it's super uncomfortable. It's not as easy for people to consume that concept. It just doesn't feel good, right? When when someone said, oh, there's no answer. Like, it just doesn't feel comfortable for us. Right? We can't process that. Yeah. But I think life works like that. There's just no answer. And it's super uncomfortable. But you need to learn how to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. And that's just accumulation of those things.

Stephen Box: 28:59
Yeah, I love that. Because the thing I think so many people miss out on is they get focused on a goal. And I've done quite a few of these interviews already. And every time that I've interviewed people, I've noticed a pattern. The people who are the most successful, the people that people look at and say, oh, wow, they're their stories so amazing. Those people they never like necessarily set out to do the thing that they've done. Right? It's always like, in this constant progress toward it. It was something they came up maybe along the way, but no one ever said, You know what, when I was 10 years old, I decided I'm going to write a book and be a professional speaker, right? Like that's, like, that's not what you know, happens most of the time. And what I've noticed is in people that I've coached over the years They've really struggled with something is because they've gotten very outcome focused. Like I have to get to this one outcome. So like an easy example, just because I spent 10 years working in the health and fitness area, is when people come to me for weight loss, it was like, Oh, I have to lose 20 pounds, right. And let's say they lost 19 pounds. amazing accomplishment. They're only like one pound of less than what their goal was, they're in great shape. They're healthy, everything is good. But they started doing unhealthy things to get that last pound off, just because their goal was 20 pounds. And they they feel like they've somehow failed because they were only at 19. And it's when we lock ourselves into something like that. And we become so focused on that one thing, we miss opportunities to grow, we miss opportunities around us, because we've now closed our mind off to the possibilities there. And I and I think what you the way you kind of said it makes that sums it up nicely, where it's like, hey, if we're focused just on, you know what the outcome is, if we're chasing after one specific thing, we're going to convince ourselves, there's some like big payoff there, there's some big level of happiness when we get there. And the reality is there isn't.

Natsune Oki: 31:28
And one thing I want to add to that is, I think, depending on your profession, but especially this is important for entrepreneurs is that you just can't expect anything to be perfect. Like you have to stay practical, you have to be flexible, you have to stay flexible, because things is not going to go sometimes things are not going to go in the way you wish, right. But you have to be adaptable, you have to adapt to the situation, whatever is happening, you can't stick with your ego. Like you can't, you can't decide what's good for you and assume that that's good for everyone else, right? But you as like a role of entrepreneur is to listen to whatever is good for the audience or for whoever you're delivering to and be adaptable and not so fixed with your own ego or your own idea. So I think that has to do a lot also with the capability and leadership and also navigating through uncomfortable entrepreneurial journey, because there's no textbook entrepreneurship, whatever works works, and you've got to do what works.

Stephen Box: 32:39
Yeah, it's actually funny, you mentioned that because I just did a video last night. And my topic was, you know, are you evolving or revolving? You know, are you just going around the same path over and over? Are you actually changing and making tweaks? And most of the time, people think like, Oh, you always have to evolve. And it's like, global No, you know, if something's working thing, keep revolving, right? Just keep doing what's already like, hey, I've, because like you said earlier, none of us really know, like, we're all guessing. And then we look out and we find something I used to always say that luck is when opportunity meets persistence, right? So if we, if we constantly work hard, and then an opportunity comes up, then we get you know, quote, unquote, lucky. So it kind of goes along with what you're saying there where we don't really know. Most of us are just kind of filling it out. And the people who think they know, are usually the people who fall flat on their face because they they get caught up in their own ego, like you said, so it's definitely it's a situation where it's a little bit tricky, right? Because and maybe you can tell people how you go about doing this or how you help other people do this. How do you have confidence in believing Believe in yourself, but also at the same time? willingly acknowledge that you don't have all the answers, and that you have to figure it out. I couldn't leadership because leaders are just as much as scared scared as followers. And also others don't have just like the there's also don't have all the information that they need or like just as much as clueless as followers are right. But I call that leadership leaders or leaders are needed because they bring certainty into uncertain situations. So I call that initiation. It's almost like capability ability and also this is a capability that people can train and work on. People can try to practice how to be comfortable in uncomfortable situations. On I think only way to do it is through yourself at uncomfortable situations? Yes, they still be. Yeah, that's that's my answer. Yeah, like that stay still, that's, that's really hard for most people, because when things get uncomfortable, we're like, Okay, let me shift over to something else, right? This feels really awkward. I'm gonna move now.

Natsune Oki: 35:20
And like, honestly, I'm like, I look for that. I'm all in for that. I think it's accountability. Like, this is actually good. This is actually healthy. I think. Not everybody should win. Like, I think competition is actually healthy. And I'm not saying that there's someone winning and there's someone losing a knife. I'm saying that you might lose in this whatever the field that you're in, in. Yeah. But you're not going to always lose. Your life is not one dimensional. You have multiple things. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and it's whatever you're pursuing right now is not your thing. You shouldn't win, like he should lead. who's supposed to win win in that field? versus you also have your own wins in life, you know? Yeah. And I think the free competition works in that way. Not everybody should get the medal for just participating.

Stephen Box: 36:29
Yeah. Yeah, I'm definitely from the not everybody deserves a middle generation. So it's like, it's like, I'll give you I'll give you a pat on the back for for the for the effort, but not just a man. All right.

Natsune Oki: 36:46
Man, and then I think it's actually like, it's, it teaches you how to be patient. Yeah. And if you look at it from like, very long term perspective, I think this encourages really healthy behavior. Because they encourage it encourages work like hard, hard working, hard working attitude. Yeah. It inspires you to have inspiration, like search for inspiration, hunger. So all these things that comes with benefit, but that's going to take time, right? Like for people to develop this kind of characteristic does take time. So people lose patience, and then people just want to, like, give participation medal for everyone. Because otherwise it's harder. But in long term, I think this free competition system actually works better and more healthier.

Stephen Box: 37:41
Yeah. And I think you kind of hit on it without really going into depth. But it's really a mindset issue, right? It's how do you look at you know, winning or losing? And, you know, even going further to how do you define what winning or losing even looks like? Because you think about the Olympics, right? Perfect example, the Olympics, you usually have, maybe one, two, maybe like three at the most people in an event who really have a legitimate chance at winning the gold medal, right. And there's always going to be that person there, who they know, they're probably coming to last place. Just like they go into, like, I know, I'm going to go on last flights, right. But for them just to be able to go and represent their country and be in the Olympics is a huge win. They don't care if they're the last place person in the entire event, because they were there. Whereas someone else, they might be the favorite to win the gold medal. So for them, anything less than winning the gold medal might be considered a failure. Excuse me. So it's all it's all perspective. And it's all about where you are. And I think you kind of touched on that was saying, you know, maybe you're not supposed to win in this particular area of life. Maybe this is somebody else's area to win. And so, um, you know, from my mindset perspective, I think that's a huge shift for a lot of people is accepting, where are you at right now? And you're in your journey?

Natsune Oki: 39:21
Hmm. And I think I'm not particularly like generalizing as far as like, feel, I guess. I think I misuse the word by for example. And I go, I keep going back to entrepreneurship. But that's because like, I have a lot of other migration in that area. But you know, for example, I think there's gonna be discouraging things. And you might have this self doubt, am I gonna be able to make it like, Am I good enough bah, bah, bah. And that should shift out Some people who don't, who are not strong enough mentally to handle the success that they get when, when have the when they have success, right? Like, for me, that's like part of the game too. Like, I guess I I think I'm misuse the word like success like it was already but example but what I'm trying to say is like, it's a continuous battle, like, yes, there's gonna be doubts, there's gonna be rejections there's gonna be failures. And once that can persevere, regardless of these things, in the end, in this competition should win, right? And then in competition, people who can't bring themselves up to want to pursue regardless of all the hardships that they have to go through, yeah, then it's okay. Like, they shouldn't. They shouldn't continue right. And then, so basically, it kind of filters out who's out who's in who keeps being in? Yeah. So I think it's, it's a battle like you, you would face constant challenges, and then the only ones that can like really persevere, really deserves to win the competition in the end of the day. And I had a point that I wanted to make, what was your question? I wanted to link it back to what you said. But I forgot, um,

Stephen Box: 41:33
I don't know. We can all win all around. So I'm not I'm not even really sure what the question was anymore myself.

Natsune Oki: 41:41
Yeah, but that's that's kind of how I look at it in terms of mindset, like, I think it's really binary, like weather, are you gonna stay in your team? Or are you going to join other people who's going to discourage you and tell you, you suck? And join their team? and be like, yeah, I suck like that, you know, let me just like, you know, abandon myself. And let me just joined this, like, easier side, right, like, and that's okay, too. Like, there's a learning there, right? Like, you can also see that as part of your experience. And so it's not necessarily negative, per se, that experience. But I guess the point here is, you don't deserve the wind, if you're not persevering, when you face these hard things.

Stephen Box: 42:33
So what would you say maybe a good way to kind of sum this up a little bit, is, you know, back, when I first introduced you, we talked about people who maybe struggle to bring their, their dreams to life, and actually follow through with them. So maybe a good way to sum this up is, it's not necessarily about the finish line. It's not about this, you know, measure of success or whatever. Because, as you pointed out, any ideas that we have about what success looks like, are strictly manmade, they're, they're things that we've come up with on our own, so they're not real. And any of us can change what the definition of success is at anytime. They're real journey is going through the process is the growth, it's learning, it's constantly challenging yourself to get better. It's not necessarily about chasing that specific outcome. It's about growing, it's about going through those hardships. And if you're not ready to deal with a hardship, if a hardship is like to the point that was about to break you, then if it breaks you, then that means that you weren't ready yet, you need to go back, you need to develop more skills, you need to develop more mental toughness, you need to go back and get those things built up to the you can come back and you can persevere through those same challenges. So they're not really failures.

Natsune Oki: 44:03
Okay, so I, I remember what I wanted to say, I have two things to say in that. So basically, when we talk about it like that, what I meant by like, let let the people win, who are supposed to win and not and not is like, for example, entrepreneurship, right? entrepreneurship. So you have one business, maybe you weren't ready, there were other competitors who were doing better than you. Yeah, then maybe it was their time there. It was their turn to win at that very particular competition. But I didn't want to go as far as field right? This is just a matter of just one business. But then the mindset goes, the perseverance goes okay, if you fail, Okay, no problem. I gonna do they're gonna start the second business or you're going to, like I got to use the skills In the mindset, like training, everything you gain from the first one, and I going to maybe start up the next thing. And then maybe this time, it's your time to win, right? Yeah. So if you look at it at, like more macro perspective, like, if there's a losing, there's someone else winning. And if there's someone else winning, there's someone else losing, right? So So yeah, and you can't expect to you win all the time. Sometimes you can let the other person to win. But at the macro score of your life, you don't have to stay at the loss all the time, like you can, you still have opportunity to win, there's going to be your time, like there's going to be your turn to win. And then second thing I wanted to mention was, I think this comes back to that discussion of it does feel uncomfortable not to have like that definition of whatever we talked about today. But I think that is the answer. Like we started off from the conversation of having conversation about success, and not doesn't necessarily mean anything to you, right. But in the same token, I think the most practical mindset you can have, I'm not talking about ideology, I'm talking about what's practical for someone's habits. Knowing that, yes, your success don't really matter. But at the same time, knowing that, like there's this competition, where, where someone loses someone wins, and like everything that we just talked about, right? If you can have the both perspective, even though they seem kind of contradict Yeah, then I think that just becomes your knowledge. Yeah. So and then I think that's where the true life test lies is, like many things are kind of contradicts, and then you kind of have to strike for violence, too. Because when you are one extreme, there's just going to create vulnerability. And if you like, if you saw my channel, as we talked about, right, like, there's a lot of things in there. The reason I did that was because it's practical. Like, I'm not one person, right? Like, I'm one person with many interests, I can't decide how my viewer finds me, I can't decide. I can't decide how my viewer should like me, maybe some people's entering point is because I'm a young Asian woman who does makeup, maybe someone else's entering point is, I am a person who can talk about mindset, like, I can't decide for these people. Like I, I think it's more practical to have as many windows like, as I can have, yeah, increase the chance of me appearing to as many people as I can, instead of me deciding, this is who I am, this is how I shouldn't be this is what I'm going to, like focus on. Because by doing that, I'm excluding so much opportunities, and it's just not practical. I'm, I'm caring more about my ego, about who, how I want to appear to other people. But but very, what kind of secret thing about this is that, or many people, what many people don't know about this is that you can't control what other people sees us. Like, if people's think whatever the way they think of yourself, you can't convince them to think otherwise. You know, it's such a wasted energy to even come try to convince someone who doesn't see the value in whatever you're offering at the same time, right? Yeah. So for me, I just like, I go with a practicality more than ideology. That's why I try to strike for many things, even though maybe some of them collide as an idea. I think having that both perspective actually works, and in a month is non disadvantage.

Stephen Box: 49:13
Yeah, I think one thing you really hit on there, too, that I think is helpful for people to understand. You talked about how it's almost like a contradiction, right? It's like, well, if there's a competition, and there's winners and losers, then how do I not get caught up on success and failure? Right, it's and I think the answer in that is what you said, there is no answer. At the end of the day, it's really about are you focused on your personal growth, because if you focus on your personal growth, successful find you, you're going to be successful at some point because you're focused on the right thing, you know, and for me, I even go a step further and I think You may agree with this is I focus on my growth. For me personally, I focus on the value that I can give other people. But like you said, I can't decide for them what's valuable. It might be the makeup tips, it might be the mindset advice, and might be different things for different people. You just kind of put all this stuff out there, because you're not trying to tell people what they have to find is valuable. But at the same time, you're focused on you, you're focused on what you find interesting. So for example, I'm going to assume you don't have an interest in like muscle cars, because I didn't see any videos about muscle cars on your website, right? So you're not out there trying to be something that you're not, you're not trying to talk about things that don't interest you just because somebody else might be interested in them, you're still being true to yourself. But you're not trying to force a specific idea when somebody else you're allowing them to kind of choose what they want to view. And I think that's how you find the balance right is by focusing on yourself, but providing value to others. So before we wrap up, tell me a little bit about your book, why why should somebody go out and buy your book?

Natsune Oki: 51:20
Yeah. So I think you kind of got a lot of essence of who I am by now, if you made it this far. But what you can expect from my book, The Game of soul domination is a lot of me, like what we've been seeing so far. This is a book called passion. It talks about passion. When people ask me who this book is for, I really say that this book is for anyone who is looking for gross, like personal growth, I do have two kinds of people that I know this book is not for. And I think it's actually better to describe who this book is not for because this book, really, you can use the framework that I'm tending to, that I'm teaching and this book is really applicable for anyone who needs to create the mental transformation in the name of creating happier life. Because growth is happiness, right? But the two kinds of people that I don't recommend this book is for is one kindness. Someone who likes to be told that synergistic is good. Like this book might annoy you, because it's such a passionate book. I talk about like, go get down realistic dream, like let's shoot for the star, right? Like to the moon like, anyway, so this book won't annoy you. So don't buy it. The second, second people, the group of people that I don't recommend this, people who are searching for answers, because you're not going to get answered like in the end of the day. As we discussed today, I think a lot of it is resistance is legislations and continuous work continuous effort. Growth never ends. And actually, the secret, the secret again, the secret of this is when the growth actually ends, you're dead, you're dead. So there's no happiness there anymore. Like you're not living your life to be retired, actually, believe it or not. After six months, let's say two years, two years of doing nothing, you're gonna you're gonna be dead, like, you're gonna be so unhappy, right? And we're gonna talk about that too, in this book. So those are two people that I don't recommend. What do I talk about in this book, like I said, it's three phases, how someone can create mental transformation. The first phase, I talked about how someone can create dream, and in this during this process, or we talk about his emotional building, because there's no space for logical thinking in this face. It's the logic thinker that stops us from pursuing unrealistic goals where you will always have reason why you shouldn't commit to whatever you want to commit. So all we talk about in this face is how can we create that strong, crazy emotion for you to find any comment and create that decisiveness? second phase, I talk about perseverance, something that we talked a lot about today? Two things two major things I would say even three, the first thing I talked about in this space is self awareness. Because I think what comes to surprise to people oftentimes is actually how much they don't know about themselves, how much they actually didn't even understand what they want it. So I give people kind of perspectives and framework that people can apply in order for them to think in terms of what they want of themselves. And then the second thing we talk about is so let's talk about efficiency and effectiveness. Because I always also wanting to create includes some very practical tips. And then this method that I developed it I call it life up method consists of five different ideas from business and economics and coming from business background, I have this I picking up ideas from business and then understanding in terms of how we can use them in life. So the first one comes from Italian engineer, the second one is from British economist. The third one is from the Japanese automotive company. The fourth one comes from us or global consulting firm. The first one is from a US president, the 34th, US president. So all of these people and entity had their own theories that they applied on their business practices. So I would like lay them out in in a framework that people can use to organize their life and create more efficiency and effectiveness in order for them to achieve the goals that we just made in the first place. It's a, it comes with the framework, but what what I want people to really extract from this whole exercise is this, the thinking goes behind it. So not necessarily the method itself, but the thinking, because when you have when you acquire this method, like you can, even if you don't want to, like you can't help think in terms of effectiveness when you create tasks or goals. Um, well, I would say tasks. Okay, that sort of thing I talked about in this faces, how to have high sense of emotional intelligence, because a lot of shit is about to go down, right. And it's not gonna be all rainbows and candies, and like, sweet, like, you know, easy load, it's gonna be a lot of hardships. And one thing I notice is, we fail to navigate through these hardships, because these are very emotional experiences. And we try, we tend to take them very emotionally, we tend to take them very personally as well. But having high sense of emotional intelligence means that you are able to navigate through these emotional experiences with logics, and not taking things so personally. So we talk about that a lot. Because we talk about failures that define failures. And then finally, the third phase, we talk about success and happiness. And what we talked about today earlier, what I've come to notice, it's like it's a macro score. How beautiful in the end of the day, you can, like, dig, organize your life was in your deathbed, like no one is caring about how good you look on your Instagram, no one's caring about, like how much money you have in your bank at the time, right? So it just gives you this perspective of like, let's be the Think about what happiness should be in our term. So that pretty much summarizes the whole book.

Stephen Box: 58:14
Sounds, uh, sounds like an awesome book. Definitely, I would recommend everyone not in those two categories to go and check it out. Those two categories just don't even bother us. Yeah, don't

Natsune Oki: 58:24
even go there. But I don't think there's gonna be anyone who who's listening to your product guests who fit into those two categories.

Stephen Box: 58:33
Now, hopefully, if they're trying to create unshakable habits, if they're in one of those two categories, they're trying to get out and it's okay for them to still buy the books since they're trying to get out. Right. Yeah. Natsune, I appreciate you joining me today. If someone wants to follow you or get ahold of you, what's the best way for them to do that?

Unknown: 58:54
Yes. So my website is well, my name is Natsune Oki. So if you google type in Natsune, Oki. Something will show up. My website is at Life UP Education TV. I'm pretty active on YouTube. Instagram, Facebook, Tik, Tok, LinkedIn. In the other I mentioned. There's also a Facebook group that you can join from life app tribe. Well, there's a page called q&a page on my website, people can drop in question in our Facebook group. It's completely free. I'm never gonna charge or anything. So you just drop in. And then you can ask like, you can ask me anything. And then I will feature your question in my show, asking us to show on my YouTube. Cool.

Stephen Box: 59:42
Appreciate you again for being here and being willing to share all of your wisdom and knowledge and growth with us. I do want to remind everyone that the unshakable habits podcast can be found on YouTube at unshakable habits comm slash YouTube or wherever your favorite podcast plays. So this is Stephen Box once again thanking our guests nacionais Oki for joining us today and reminding you that you were not designed to be average, it is possible to take your habits from unsustainable to unshakable. But first you need a vision, the skills and then you must take the action.

Outro: 1:00:28
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