A Sober Transformation: Redefining Masculinity and Shattering Limits with Sean Robinson

Stephen Box: [00:00:00] Hey guys. Welcome back to the Unshakeable Habits Podcast. I know it has been a while since we released new episodes, but. There's a very good reason for that. I'm gonna touch on that here in just a few minutes, but before I do that, I wanted to tell you what we have in store for today's episode of the podcast.

I had a chance to interview Sean Robinson and Sean had this experience where he started with a dry January challenge, gave up alcohol. It was never meant to be a long term thing. But it became a long-term thing and Sean used that to get completely sober. He used that as a springboard to start making other positive changes in his life, including losing a hundred pounds.

So Sean shares a lot of his story, and we actually spent a lot of time talking about some of the struggles. That Sean went through, and I [00:01:00] know I've gone through this myself in different situations, and I'm sure you guys have as well, where being in an environment with other men was not necessarily conducive to change.

Right. There's a lot of, how do I say there? There's a lot of issues where as men, we've been kind of taught that we don't ask for help. We're not supposed to encourage each other. We're supposed to put each other down. And this is the old way of thinking of masculinity, right? And some people call this toxic masculinity.

I don't think there's anything toxic about masculinity. I hate that term. But what I do think is that there are some things that is men that we've been taught, this society has told us that we should be doing that absolutely hold us back. And we need to let go of those things as men. And one of those things is being willing to ask for help.

So Sean and I actually talked a lot about that. [00:02:00] Now I wanna be very clear. This is not this new age. Men are supposed to be soft kind of stuff that you hear a lot about now. We actually found a really good balance, I feel, in this conversation where we talked about letting go of some of those old beliefs, some of those old patterns, while also maintaining our masculinity.

So that was something that was really important to me and I think it was important to Sean that we also kept that tone to it as well. So hope you guys enjoy the interview today. Before I get you to that, I just wanted to give you a really quick update on what was going on with the podcast. So, as you guys know, and I mentioned earlier, it's been a while since we recorded a new episode, and the reason for that was I wasn't really happy with where the podcast was going.

You get a lot of great feedback on it, but it just didn't feel right to me, and I'm really big on it. Sometimes we have to trust our instincts and so I sat on [00:03:00] it, I prayed on it. I let myself sit in silence. And allowed it to come to me, and it did. It came to me. Guys, I've realized I've been holding off on something that I'm personally very passionate about, and that's helping men to prioritize their physical and mental wellbeing.

Now, why is that important? It's not about six pack abs or big muscles or anything else. It's because I believe that when we help men, Become the best version of themselves physically and mentally. They become better husbands, they become better fathers, and they become better leaders at home, at work, and in their communities.

And when we can help men do those things, we make the world a better place because guys, as I alluded to earlier, it's important that we embrace our masculinity. It's important that [00:04:00] we claim that masculine energy that we have as men. That doesn't mean that we have to bring along all the baggage, that masculinity is included over the years.

It doesn't mean that we have to do things on our own. Doesn't mean we have to suck it up. It just means that as men, we have a certain energy that we bring to the table. And society right now, I feel like is trying to take that away from us. So I wanted to really put this episode out is the very first relaunch episode cuz I love this topic where we are talking about this idea of how do we move forward, claim our masculinity, yet let go of the patterns and the beliefs that have held us back.

So I hope you guys are loving that idea. I hope that you're as passionate about it as I am. Without further ado, let's jump into this thing.[00:05:00]

Intro: Are you ready to break free from your old habits and create a better life for yourself and those around you? If so, welcome to Unshakable Habits, the podcast dedicated to helping men be better husbands, fathers, and leaders by prioritizing their physical and mental wellbeing. Each week we'll look at health from a 360 degree perspective with inspiring stories and practical strategies for building unshakable

habits that'll transform your life. Join Stephen Box, a board certified health and wellness coach, and let's change the world together. One habit at a time.

Stephen Box: allow me to introduce my guest today, Mr. Sean Robinson. Sean, welcome.

Sean Robinson: Thanks, Stephen. I appreciate it. I've been, looking [00:06:00] forward to, our conversation.

Stephen Box: You have this story that I think so many guys can relate to.

Sean Robinson: yeah, I definitely don't feel like it's, it's a unique story. I've worked, construction and I'm electrician by trade. I've done that about 15 years on the volunteer fire department, near where I live in, Eastern Ontario, Canada. but this will be my 20th year. So, my upbringing and family I've always had that, you know, do it yourself, get it done, don't talk about it.

And, the environments I've been in with, with careers and family, it's been very much. you know, tough masculine, get it done. Don't complain, don't talk about it. No feelings. So, I feel very experienced in keeping things bottled up and not, not exposing, we'll call it weakness or vulnerability.

Stephen Box: Yeah, I think, especially when you are in those type of environments, it's made even worse, right? Because now you have other people that have been brought up the same way and no [00:07:00] one wants to admit that they feel differently.

Sean Robinson: Absolutely. It's, the common theme with a lot of the, the personalities and whether you have that personality or not. You, you fall in line to a degree with. With kind of the way that, that, everybody is, you know, we're not talking about things. We're not, you know, we're not talking about Unshakable habits at all in those environments.

And, you know, to work on yourself and, and ask questions whether someone is or not, you're not talking about it. you don't want to expose that you're, you're feeling like you could use a hand or that, you know, you might have information that somebody else might benefit from. And, and, There's a lot in, you know, coming away from that environment or to come out in that environment and say, listen, I'm not feeling great today and this is where I'm at and I've got these habits that I'm wanting to work on.

And, there's a lot of pressure to just stay in your lane and keep living the same way where I've come from.[00:08:00]

Stephen Box: Yeah, and I think something else that we see, and even, in like a corporate environment, people might see this, right? Where because people don't wanna talk about their feelings, it's hard for them to try to make these changes. A lot of times when you do start trying to make these changes, the the amount of ridicule that you get righteveryone wants to keep you kind of at their level because they, they feel bad that they're not doing these things and they're like, no, no, no, I don't want anybody else going to do stuff cuz then I'm gonna feel like I have to do something.

Sean Robinson: Yeah, and the men, and they're women too in construction, so I'm not generalizing that way. But, you know, it's a lot of the men that are given the hard times, they're, you know, you're bothering your buddies and there's questioning sexualities and all these things, and all the harshness of it.

And you're not gonna talk about, you know, the latest podcast or the, the new books you're reading or self-help. Don't even mention the two words together in that environment, cuz all of a sudden you're gonna, you know, the, you're gonna have your [00:09:00] picture drawn on the bath, the porta-potty wall, and you know, all the things that happen in construction and, you know, it's a lot harder on you than, than saying anything.

Stephen Box: Yeah, I mean, it's, it's kind of crazy, man. So, kind of take us back to like, what was that like for you? Like your, obviously at some point you, you started kind of realizing I wanna make some changes, right. But you didn't really feel like you could say anything. So what was it like in that moment for you?

Sean Robinson: I think, I wasn't sure yet what I help, I needed or what to even ask for. So in those environments where we're not talking about it, for me to not even know what was out there and what I needed. You know, it was hard to find a starting point. you know, my, my dad was talking about some upbringing.

He's, he was a mechanic by trade, or is a mechanic by trade and, you know, he was brought up in that environment too. So a lot of the generational stuff was, was, was in the background on top of, you know, where, where I came from, from, career stuff. So, you know, to [00:10:00] realize that I had an issue, I didn't even know that I had that issue.

I didn't realize that. The thinking about where my mentality was, and this is just who I am. that it took me a bit to get to a point where I acknowledged the fact that that was where my mind was. That, I had fixed a problem that I wasn't sure at that point I even had, right when this started for me it was, and when we talked in our, our pre-interview, it was like, where was the real moment that that.



That just cried for change and my weight. I had been up and down like anybody, dieting, anybody, you know, most of us, we've gone up and down and, and I was at a point where I was at my greatest, I'd lost 50 to 80 pounds and put it back on, but I was 320 pounds and was feeling awful. I was so negative.

Everything felt like, You know, there was success around me and, you know, when was it gonna fall in my lap and very, very down and out about [00:11:00] where I was at. I didn't know where to go for help, but I wasn't gonna ask for it either cuz it was just brought up in me with my background and my circles to just figure it out, deal with it, move on, and it wasn't working.

But I couldn't ask to fix it. So it was like very much caught in this situation that was never gonna repair itself right? Until, I acknowledged that I needed to do something, it wasn't gonna fix itself. So getting to that point and thinking I'm overweight, I'm not feeling great.

I, for whatever reason, whatever inspiration around me, I started thinking about journaling.

So I took this notebook and I just started venting in it. You know, why can't I figure this out? Why isn't this gonna fix itself? I'm better than this. Like, just really not nice and, having some really dark, like, confused moments. And, I learned a lot about journaling later. And, I'll touch on that, but you know, in the beginning it was just place for me to.

Put this down on paper and vent and [00:12:00] say, you know, not see any judgment from it. Not, get that like, you know, from the, the coworker or from the family, or from people that just weren't in the same situation, didn't understand. It was just a place for me to, to outlet and not have to hear, you know, anything back.

as things went on, I learned a lot more about journaling and, record keeping and just tracking consistent. it became a lot better for me later. It was a good starting point, but I wasn't gonna talk about it. So as, I mean, I talk about it with my, circles.

So when I decided to stop drinking, it was not because I felt like there was a problem with my drinking. I felt like it was a good starting point, dry January. It was just gonna be, you know, that first thing that I could do to, you know, get some clarity and start some new habits. As I started to do that, looking back, it was almost like that was, my first permission to myself to accept some other things, you know, going to functions and not having [00:13:00] drinks.

you know, past the two week window in dry January where resolutions fall off, I stayed with it and it was Challenging myself in those environments and those situations to not have drinks and not be a certain way. It was I could be a different person. I could be the person that doesn't drink at a function well.

I could be the person starts to lose weight and stick with it. I could be the person that has successful resolutions. once I started asking more positive questions and reflecting on how I felt about it, was more where I allowed that identity to change.

Stephen Box: Yeah, it's interesting cuz you know, one of the things we talk about a lot on the show is this idea of, what I call connected health, it revolves around this idea that health is more than just physical. Physical is one sixth of the equation, right? There's also mental health, there's emotional health, there's relationships, there's environment, there's, you know, spiritual health or, or being connected to something larger than you.

and you kind of touched on [00:14:00] that, right? Where you made really what was in the beginning more an environmental change, maybe a little bit of relationship stuff in there. Also, because you obviously had to be around certain people to kind of get away with not drinking, but. Ultimately it started to turn into more of a mental thing.

Right now it's more of a mental challenge for you and then the emotional aspect comes in cuz you start kind of feeling more confident in your ability to do this. You start feeling better about yourself, your self-confidence starts to go up and then you started to see that have positive physical benefits and, and I think that that's just a really great illustration to help people see how even something really small that you don't think will necessarily lead to an end result ken have such a big impact because all these things tie together.

Sean Robinson: yeah, definitely. And, I don't think like we realize how important the small things are to the bigger things[00:15:00] and when I started and I, learned more about habits and creating positive change. You know, it was, kind of the first thing for me to decide, like, choose something.

So, you know, I wanted to get better at brushing my teeth. So I thought, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this twice a day. I'm gonna document it on the calendar, a couple check marks, morning and night, and, and count how many days in a row. And I was seeing all these check marks and things, and, and as, as it got to, you know, over a hundred days.

I tested myself to, you know, okay, now I'm gonna stop documenting it and just see if this, this thing sticks, right? Because all the 21 days, 60 days to break a habit, a hundred days changes of lifestyle, you know, and wanted to test it out. So once I stopped writing it on the calendar, there's no more check marks for that particular item.

it was a lifestyle. I couldn't leave my house in the morning without doing it. I couldn't go to bed without doing it. I'd be in bed and be like, no, I gotta go. I forgot to do it. I got to go do it. So, I,brushed my teeth and like, You know,it went from something so small to, you know, doing the kinds of things that, [00:16:00] that allowed me to lose a hundred pounds, like you mentioned, and, and you know, you, you snowball and compound all of these small habits and all these small changes over time. You know, it gives you a lot better result in the end, you know?

Stephen Box: Yep. Yeah, and, and the thing I thing that you kind of touched on too is a, and this is a think an important tip for a lot of guys out there is. You can start with something that kind of has that manly feel to it, right? So if you were to go to your, your buddies at the firehouse and you're like, oh, you know, I'm doing this dry January challenge, right?

You're not gonna get as much slack from that because you're doing a challenge. Right. It's something that's, that's meant to be hard. You're just, you're testing yourself versus if you go, you know what, man, I just, I, I'm just gonna stop drinking because, you know, I just think they'll be healthy for me to stop, like unlimited ribbing at that point.

Right.

Sean Robinson: yeah, that, that was, that was the book that, that [00:17:00] I had wrote. it was, You could do dry January. Like I said, in the beginning, it was just, it was a challenge. Absolutely. And then, you know, once you get into February, it's like, okay, well dry February's thing too. That's kind of a challenge. All right.

I'm surprised you're still doing it, but, okay, well, we can handle that. But then once we got out of those two, like dry months where there's, you know, a lot of marketing for, for this change, it was like that. It was like, well, no, you're fine now. You, you did it like what? You wanna do it longer? Why would you do that to yourself?

And it was like, you know, it wasn't. well where, where I wanted to go with it. Yet I didn't know how long I was gonna not drink for or not do certain things. But it was like, yeah, as soon as I got outta those, you know, we call it easier months. It was, you know, people didn't know how to react to it. It was like, you know, it was confusing that someone they knew.

Was just not gonna do a certain thing anymore or not be a certain way anymore. And, and while they can't be in my [00:18:00] head it was, you know, it was difficult for me because I was in my head to handle how I was gonna deal with it and, express to them what was going on so they could understand.

Stephen Box: Yeah, you bring up a good point there As you're making these changes, obviously people around you are, are kind of paying attention. You start getting the questions, what was the difference between the actual reaction that you got from people versus the reaction that you were going to get in your head?

Sean Robinson: There was, you know, there was some mixed reactions. There was, there was people that were proud of me right there, there was people that, that, you know, saw the changes that maybe I didn't quite realize yet in, in my attitudes and, and things as, as, as it went on. And, and there were, were people that were, you know, maybe disappointed, you know, in, in my book and in the background.

good friend of mine was, was getting married and, and. Covid had postponed his wedding to a point where it fell within my window of not [00:19:00] drinking. And we used to drink together all the time. So during, you know, this journey, every time there was a function pre-wedding, you know, getting fitted for the suits and you know, the, the different showers and celebrations ahead of time, I wasn't gonna drink.

And every time it was like, you better drink at my wedding. You better drink at my wedding. And, and, and you know, his reaction, to answer your question, like a few others were disappointed because I wasn't doing a certain thing anymore. So there was yeah, the mixed reaction where proud people and, and disappointed people and, and, and I was in the middle cuz I was, I.

Very happy with, with the progression I had made to a certain point, but I was also, you know, I was brought up or I thought I was in this mindset that I had to, you know, be the biggest host in the room and the biggest participant with this thing. And if there's shots and celebration and, and toasts, you know, and, you know, for, you know, speaking to alcohol, it was like, I, I had to be that, that person, so.

I didn't know, and I [00:20:00] felt like I was letting myself down a bit by not participating in those things until I got to a point where, you know, I realized that people aren't as worried about those things as we are. You know, I was the one that felt I had to be the biggest participant. It wasn't that other people, you know, were expecting that.

And although they, they may have, once I had set my boundaries, you know, they. We're fine with it, you know, it, there was less and less anxiety felt by me because of how they were handling the situation than than I put on myself originally.

Stephen Box: Yeah, I think a big part of that too, like you mentioned your friend getting married, and I think that for so many guys, they have people in their lives that have just come to expect certain things of them, right? they expect you to be a certain way. And so there's this fear that when you're doing something different, that suddenly you're going to become a different person. Right. And so now it's like, oh, well here's my wedding coming [00:21:00] up, and, and, and my best friend here might be a different person because he's not drinking.

Sean Robinson: Yeah, yeah. In, in my book, in the beginning and, and. Just to, to touch on that for a second. I journaled throughout this whole thing, and once I decided to take a year, off of drinking, I, I, I got it 10 months in and thought like this journal, this, this book that I have for myself, someone out there can use this, someone can use this exact experience and take pieces from what I went through and what I documented for myself and, and apply it to themselves.

The challenge I faced, the anxieties I felt, the, you know, the tools I used and, you know, I, I talked about these rules and a lot of my rules were just, They weren't rules to make it hard for myself. They were just a couple things to keep me focused. Like I, I wanted to have a good time, you know, one of my rules was have fun, and that, that to me was just not hide from it, you know, not stay at [00:22:00] home, not, you know, avoid things because, I was afraid how I was gonna handle it.

It was, I wanted to go to these things. I just needed to, to know how I was gonna deal with myself in this situation. another was to, you know, basically not be the guy in the corner drinking water, right, to participate. So not just go out to this thing, but like, you know, if I have to pour it into a solo cup, cuz everybody else is a solo cup, it was at least to participate, to look the part and not feel like I had to have those couple drinks first because it was in my head that I had to have them.

It wasn't that anybody else knew. Right. We don't gauge each other all night and all of a sudden, you know, someone loosens up that if you think that, oh, they've had a couple, they're fine. When you can turn that switch on anytime. Right. Once we realize we don't need that substance or that situation to happen before we can be a certain way, you know, it opens that door for, you know, taking that away.

Stephen Box: Yeah. And, and I think something you just touched on [00:23:00] there is, you know, for a lot of us, we tell ourselves stories, right? It's, well, I have to have a few drinks to loosen up, right? Or, you know, I have to, you know, eat certain foods in order to kind of fit in and, and whatever, right? And so, We do those things because we fear that taking those things away will make us become a different person. And, and so like you said, it's just like, how do you kind of walk through that process? Say, what things can I do to make sure that I stayed that same person despite changing this habit? And, and you're able to do that,

Sean Robinson: Yeah,it took some, you know, some trial and error on my part to figure out how I could be the same, you know, comfortable the same way without it as, as I did with it and, And honestly, we're talking about having a couple drinks, but like, this is kind of, this applies to anything that we want to change, right?

If we're talking about, you know, coffee break at work and you're always getting a few [00:24:00] cookies cuz they're from the food truck or from the cafeteria, wherever you, you know, your environment. it's, it's the way James Clear talks in atomic habits and, you know, different, you know, habit forming. It's like you take one thing away that you're used to doing in a situation.

You know, you have to replace it with something or you have to, you know, see what led you to want to, to do that, the way that you're used to doing it?

Stephen Box: Yeah. So now are you still sober? Have you gone back to drinking?

Sean Robinson: No, I'm still not drinking. I'm more and more not on the break that I, you know, started by, in the book. I, you know, it was, it was always just a, a break. It was. I wasn't sure what I was doing. And, and yeah, I've, I've maintained, I, I haven't wanted to, to go back. I've found I'm a lot more, I'm a lot healthier.

I'm a lot more comfortable in the environments, not, not having it. And honestly, there's a lot more, it's a lot more acceptable now than I think it's ever been. And there's more [00:25:00] non-alcoholic mocktails and craft beers and stuff that are 0% that you can kind of look more of the part without having the, The effects of of alcohol.

Stephen Box: Yeah, I mean, when it comes to alcohol in particular, man, I think it's such a, a, a tough conversation for a lot of people, right? I mean, I've personally never got into drinking, so it just, it never appealed to me, and as I, got into like, college, started, you know, working after college, things like that.

There was a lot of social pressure from people to drink, and it got to a point where I started finding it easier to tell people that I was recovering alcoholic than to tell them that I just don't drink. They were actually more accepting of me saying that I'm a recovering alcoholic than me saying that I just make a conscious decision to not drink.

Sean Robinson: Yeah, definitely this. So to to pay respect for, you know, for a minute there's, you know, everyone's dealing with their [00:26:00] own thing. And substances and addictions or, you know, it, it, I'd give everybody benefit of the doubt and hope that, you know, that they find the help they need. But

Stephen Box: Yeah.

Sean Robinson: there was a time, I agree with you a hundred percent, if it would've been easier for me to, to have it mandated that I'm not drank or mandated that I not do a certain thing or, or to.

You recovering, you know, alcoholic or something, like, it would've been easier exactly for me to say that to someone because then the pressure's gone. They're like, oh, okay. And then they're all quiet and awkward about it. Whereas if, if for me to just say, I'm not gonna do this anymore, it's like, well, I. Why not?

And you know, if you want to quit having donuts, people are more acceptable for you not eating donuts than they are not having drinks. Because, you know, when we get to someone's house or we get to a function or you know, a party or wedding, like it's almost, you know, part of what you have to, to do. It's just easier.

Someone goes your house, oh, you don't want [00:27:00] to drink? Like, let's have a beer together and it's all fine. It's not, it's not to take that from people. You know, I just, and then I don't need people to feel weird. Like even just the other day there was, you know, some friends that were like, oh, you know, you're, you're that guy now.

Like, well, no, I don't need you to not drink cuz I'm not like, do your thing.

Stephen Box: Right. You're like, I don't care. You can drink

all you want.

Sean Robinson: I don't feel like I have to have it anymore because someone else does. And that's with anything. I'm not gonna have a piece of cake because someone feels it's, you know, necessary. If I want one, then I'll have one.

Stephen Box: I think, you know, that's one when we talk about, you know, connecting to things bigger than us, I, I think that's why it's so important, right? Because there's going to be a lot of times that you will be challenged where. Other people feel uncomfortable and it makes you uncomfortable that you're making other people uncomfortable

and, and you, and you have to be connected to something bigger than you, to a bigger purpose than just, I'm doing this just because [00:28:00] in order to stick with it.

Sean Robinson: Yeah, there was, there was times, and like part of my rules, right, like having fun and being involved, you know, there was a few from, from work that were going to, Niagara Falls. So we were doing a, a guys trip for work and I was like, oh yeah, I'm gonna go. So there was five of us that went and there was, you know, these were work buddies, so, know, there was times, you know, this, this weekend where as soon as we left the one guy's like, oh, you're gonna, you're gonna drink with us.

I'm like, well, no, I'm, I'm gonna come here and I'm gonna drink these 0% things, which, you know, I never did in the beginning. Like, I wanted to lose that entire habit. So I stayed off of anything close to it for the first nine or 10 months. But, you know, at this, this trip, it was like, you're gonna drink with us?

Well, no, I'm, I'm not gonna, the guy was like, oh, well your wife's not here. O okay. That, that doesn't mean anything to what's going on. Like the, this is, this is for me. I'm, I'm, this is for her and my kids as well. Like, absolutely. But [00:29:00] this decision, and this, this thing I'm working on, like this is important to me and this is my own accountability.

So even though like I could have at any point, you know, went back or snuck a beer or had something here and there, like that was, that was not. My intention, and like you said, it's it, that's, that was the bigger purpose. Like this was a challenge I did for myself and, and whether I could hide it or not was, wasn't gonna help keep me accountable for what I was I was trying to achieve.

Stephen Box: Yeah. Yeah. I think one thing you just touched on there that a lot of people kind of miss out on too is that it's not necessarily about the thing, right? It, it's about what else is going on. It's like you're doing this because you know, for whatever reason in the beginning, but by this point you're doing it because. It's making you a better person. You know, I'm, I'm sure you felt like you were a better husband. You were a better father, [00:30:00] and you enjoyed being that better person. And so like when, so when somebody says to you, oh, well your wife's not here, it's like, well, okay, yeah, she's not here, but I'm not doing this or I'm not making his decision because I fear some punishment from my wife for doing it.

Right, it's, I'm doing it because me being this person makes me a better husband, makes me a better father, and that's who I want to be.

Sean Robinson: Yeah. Yeah. And, and it, it didn't take away from the weekend at all, like, or anything else I've done since like the, the guys had their, their nights and there was others that, that didn't feel they had to drink as much. You know, I've, I've felt an influence where, you know, okay, I'm not doing it. Other people have, have not done it and I don't need people to feel that way, but it's like, Anything.

If, if there's one person in the room that's gonna challenge, you know, positively or negatively what's going on, you know, there will be other people that will feel the same way that will or won't, [00:31:00] depending on what it is we're talking about, participate. So, you know, I have felt the benefit. And like I said, that weekend the guys didn't feel, I don't believe they felt like there was any less, taken away because, you know, we still did the things.

I wasn't the guy in the corner judging everybody, you know, I. Now, one of my kind of rules early on, basically stemmed around, not all of a sudden being everybody's designated driver. You know, I was, I I took my share buy-in rounds. I paid my share cabs and Ubers. It was, you know, important that it, you know, I didn't want to all of a sudden be every, like, I want to participate and I want to, you know, give to the group, but I'm not gonna do it by, you know, being married to the, the evening by, you know, driving everybody around and, Living that life.

Stephen Box: Yeah. And and I think that's a good point. It's like when you start making changes in your life, whether it's alcohol or anything, you have to set your boundaries on on people. Right? And you have to decide what do you want [00:32:00] it to look like.

Sean Robinson: Mm-hmm.

Stephen Box: Yeah.

Sean Robinson: Yeah. And then like a lot of this would've been a lot easier if I wasn't so proud. Of what I believed was my set mentality. You know, if I felt like I could have asked the questions and read the, the books and basically done everything I've done since that moment, I've decided to change, it would've maybe made it a lot easier.

Now, maybe I would've, I've, you know, not gotten so involved with it the way that I did. I can't, I don't regret the way that it worked out for me, but I can definitely share that because. While we all have to take the pieces from, you know, all of this content that we, we relate to, you know, that person that maybe needs that push to say, you know, I'm just gonna ask for help.

You know, I'm just gonna reach out to Sean and say, Hey, you know, what did you do? I'm having a hard time. you know, I want to give that feedback. That's why I'm here. I. You know, for someone like me that, you know, felt too proud to ask was [00:33:00] from similar environments where, you know, you're, you're caught in this, this bubble that you're not supposed to ask, you're just supposed to fix it.

You know, we're out here and, and absolutely ask, absolutely. Don't feel like you have to sit there and figure it out when there's lots of content out there that speaks to the easier way of doing it.

Stephen Box: Yeah. So one thing we didn't really talk about, excuse me, that you just kind of brought up is. It was a challenge at times. Right. There was some difficulties with it. So when you were starting, what do you feel were were the biggest obstacles that you ran into?

Sean Robinson: My biggest, obstacles and, and a lot of, so the, the title of my book, going Dry, my Path to Overcoming Habitual Drinking. The habitual part was the most important part in, in how I like, and then the biggest challenge was it wasn't it, it wasn't, sorry. It was, it was, I felt I had to [00:34:00] have a drink or I had to do, be doing a certain thing because of, you know, what I was doing?

I was at a wedding, it was Friday, it was, I'm barbecuing, camping. Like there's certain things that, that I always did. Not always, but a lot of the time did. While or with a drink in my hand, you know, a, a friend would come over, it's like, oh, that's Friday. Let's have a, let's have a beer. You know, it was like the habit portion, the routine portion.

So the, the toughest part for me was, was doing that without, You know, it was, it was learning that I didn't need to have that, drink in my hand anymore to, to do something a certain way. And, and some of it felt like it was, I had to learn how to walk again. You know, it was like I had to teach myself how to go to a, a concert, you know, or staying overnight with some friends go to a concert and not drink and not whatever.

So it's like, the biggest challenge was, was just relearning how to do things that I was so used to doing. A certain way before.[00:35:00]

Stephen Box: Yeah, and and I think that a lot of people find that anytime they start trying to make changes in their life that there are so many things that we just do on autopilot. And we don't even think about 'em. And, and that that's really what you're describing here is there's this unawareness and then all of a sudden, like you start to find yourself in situations and you're like, oh wait, I would normally have a drink right now.

Right.

Sean Robinson: Yeah. And, and, and it's, it's like you don't, I didn't have to have that anymore. Once I was, aware of, you know, how often I would, would grab one or, you know, like I'm on the fire department, so like, it, it wasn't, I. That bad for me because I was wanting to be ready to go, you know, I've done this this long cuz I've wanted to do it.

So, you know, it wasn't that I'd, you know, just come in from work and have, you know, as many, there was definitely some nights and I wouldn't respond to calls if they came in, that that was part of being on the volunteer department, but like, you know, to, to have [00:36:00] one or two or five, like, you know, it'd get to a certain point where that was the routine and that was what I was used to.

And we're on barbecuing, have a couple beers, why not? You know, to, to then learn how to, you know, have something else. You know, it didn't to have one or two. I'm, I'm probably, I might know cuz I haven't had any, a long time. But you're not gonna feel that, right? You're gonna, you know, to have that. It's, it's social, it's fine.

You move on, you know, we're in the beginning, I was doing it to try and live a bit healthier. You know, try and lose some weight or find some motivation and, you know, I'd learn a lot later as I kind of suggested earlier. There was a lot more compounding on the habits and routines. I started to work on that.

That had led me to something much bigger. And if I thought in the beginning I was gonna lose a hundred pounds and be sober for two years, I would've laughed at myself. You know, I wouldn't have done it. So by breaking it down into such small pieces and then doing different things and documenting it, and consistency, [00:37:00] you know, it's led me to where I'm at now and you know, I'm not special.

Everybody can do it this way. Just like me. I didn't have the tools to, you know, I didn't know how to, how to go about starting it or maintaining it.

Stephen Box: Yeah, yeah. And I think for a lot of people, that's always kind of the question of like, well, where do I even start at? Right? I mean, Maybe they don't wanna give up drinking, maybe they just wanna cut back on it a little bit. Or maybe it's not even about alcohol. Maybe it's about food for them. Or maybe they just want to get better sleep or stress less or, or whatever.

Right? And, and the question is always like, where do I start? What's the first thing? And I think so many people get caught up in this trap of. If I'm gonna do something, I might as well go ahead and go all in, do everything. And that means that I now need to go out and find the absolute best solution and I need to go and implement it.

And the reality is that approach fails 99% of the [00:38:00] time.

Sean Robinson: Yeah. It, it does, because it, as soon as it's difficult or, you know, if it's difficult, it'll, you might last for a week, but then, and you give up because it was hard, you know, I was doing a hit exercise, you know, it was like a 10,000 step hit exercise. It, it, I felt tired and amazing afterwards, but after a couple days in a row, you know, it, it was like I just.

Could not that I couldn't do it, but I wasn't going to because it was so difficult. Whereas if I would've started smaller and done something, you know, even 10 minutes, you know, it, would've probably led me to a point where I felt good with doing this, this 10,000 step hit exercise on a consistent basis.

But because I started so big, so early and it became difficult for me, it was easy to let it go.

Stephen Box: I love always sharing this example of, and, and I've used this with clients and everything over the years. I. Is, you know, say you're someone that you know you need to exercise, but you hate [00:39:00] exercise, right? So you don't go hire a personal trainer and you don't get a perfect detailed plan, and you don't start doing 45 minute workouts.

You put on your workout clothes,

Sean Robinson: Mm-hmm.

Stephen Box: and then after a week of putting on your workout clothes, maybe you actually get in the car and drive to the gym, right? And then you sit in the parking lot. And then after a couple days of sitting in the parking lot, you start to go, well, this is ridiculous. And so you go in and maybe the first day you just walk around and look at the equipment, and then you leave, right?

And then you do, and then you keep doing that. And eventually you go, well, this is silly. I might as well do something while I'm here. Right? And so you do a couple of exercises and then you leave and then at some point you go, you know what? I might as well just do a real workout while I'm here. And then you start building consistently, you start doing little workouts and next thing you know, you're one of those crazy people that works out five days a week.

Sean Robinson: and that that whole system. In anything, right? Like [00:40:00] if it's, you know, eating better or brushing your teeth, like everything in that exact same scenario, you know, just put your shoes on like right now, you know, I've winter blues, whatever it is, I've, you know, had a bit of a hard time getting that workout in.

So right now I'm just going to my garage. but I've got a 10 pound medicine ball. I'm just picking it up, you know, I'm just going make a point to go to the garage and just hold it for a minute. And then I started doing some stretches with it, and then now I'm throwing it down and like, it's, it's, it is the exact example you just used.

And, and I, I've done that, you know, 4, 5, 6 different ways for the few things I've been able to, to work on this, this past couple years.

Stephen Box: Yeah, I, I love the example of just like mentally keeping yourself checked in, right? It's like, go pick up the medicine ball. Just hold it. Doesn't even matter if you do anything with it. Just, there's something about the routine of walking out there, picking up that ball [00:41:00] that keeps your mind, viewing you as an active person.

Sean Robinson: Yeah.

Stephen Box: Right. As soon as you stop going out there to pick up the ball, you now start to develop a different identity.

Sean Robinson: Yep. And, and to add to that, the, the one thing I just heard, and as an, an interview with James Clear did, once again author atomic habits. he was talking about how he doesn't like to set goals anymore. He doesn't like to set goals, he likes to ask himself better questions. So I found myself starting asking myself better questions and his example is, you know, instead of saying I'm gonna lose a hundred pounds or, or I'm gonna get more healthy, blah, whatever, you know, start to ask yourself, what would a healthy person eat a sleeve of Oreos?

Or would a healthy person not go and pick up the medicine ball and throw it around? You know, I found it's a lot less pressure if I'm just, you know, thinking, am I going to eat this, you know, piece of cake? Or, you know, would, would a healthy [00:42:00] person eat another piece of something or would, would someone that goes to the gym, or would someone that does this, not do that?

You know, it's, it's, it's an easy question that that kind of gets your mind back around, you know, making that decision that is or isn't productive for you, whatever you're working on.

Stephen Box: Yeah. One, one of the phrases that I, I personally use that's kind of along those same lines, is, I'm choosing to

Sean Robinson: Mm-hmm.

Stephen Box: and, and Cause I think so many times, like we put negativity around stuff, right? We focus on things being negative, you know, so we'll go, oh, I, I can't eat carbs, right? Or I can't do this, I can't do that.

And what I always like to do is say I'm choosing to, so if I'm having an indulgence, if I'm eating, you know, something that's 1500 calories of nothing but plain sugar. You know, I'm like, I'm choosing to enjoy this treat today. Right? Not because I've earned it, not because I've been good, not because I ate salad, not just [00:43:00] because it's there and you know what?

Life's short and I, and I want to eat this. I'm not gonna eat it every day. Right? Because then that goes back to your question, would a healthy person eat this cake every single

day?

Sean Robinson: day. Yeah.

Stephen Box: But, but every now and then. Sure. and by telling myself, I'm choosing to do this, I'm giving myself permission.

And it takes all that negative, negative connotations out of it. Right? But at the same time, you know, it works the opposite way when I'm wanting to be lazy, right? And I'm saying I'm choosing to skip my workout today. And I'm like, wait, what? I'm doing what? No, no, no. That's not what I want. No, I don't wanna do that.

Sean Robinson: and, and, and you know what you need? You need those moments, right? You need to choose to do that positive and call it negative, you know, or productive and non-productive. You need those, those two times because otherwise you'll, you'll never get back on it if you fall off. Right? Like if, if, if I'm gonna avoid sugar for so long or not have cake [00:44:00] every day, you know, and all of a sudden I have a piece of cake, it's like, well, Now, now, the whole thing's ruined.

I'm not, I'm not making progress because I, I had a carb today like that, that is not going to help. That you're just as likely to, you know, go back to whatever lifestyle you had before because you, you had that one thing. Whereas you need to, yeah, you need to choose to have that, you know, non-productive day or that indulgence just to keep yourself, you know, at check or just to allow yourself to.

But like, I found it, I was, I was, you know, having that one piece and then all of a sudden it's two and more. And, you know, that was the lifestyle I had, you know, plus a hundred pounds from right now. And, you know, I didn't have it in my mind that I could just have that, that moment and then get back on it, you know, get refocused again.

So it was, it was important to. You know, get, get back on after, after letting [00:45:00] myself, you know, get off of it.

Stephen Box: Yeah. It's so interesting because one thing I've noticed it's, I see it in your story. I see it in my story when, when people always ask me like, how did you lose 80 pounds? I'm like, one day at a time, because I really had no set number in mind. I was just like, as you started making healthier decisions, I started changing stuff.

You know, I tell people I ate fast food for the first 40 pounds. I was still eating fast food like five days a week cuz I was working in retail at the time and that was all that was available to me. I just made better fast food choices. Right. And you know, the thing is it made it sustainable and, and I never got to a point where I completely took something away from myself.

So I never had to feel like, oh, I can't go back to this. Right. And that's, I think sometimes, It can be good to cut certain stuff out if you know it's a trigger for you, obviously. Right.

But like in your instance, you know, let's say that you got through [00:46:00] this first two months and then you said, you know what?

I just wanted to see if I could do it. I'm gonna go back to drinking, you know, but I'm gonna drink less. How long do you realistically think you would've drank less for? Right. At some point, all those old habits probably would kick back in. If you didn't have a real plan in place, and that's where I think a lot of guys struggle at, is they try to like knuckle through something for a short period of time and then there's no plan in place to like make it sustainable for life.

Sean Robinson: Yeah, I, and I, and I did find that mentally thinking about it because I got to that 60 days, you know, two months away from, from it. And I was like, well, I'm not ready yet. And I learned about a hundred days. I, I forget which podcast it was. It was probably, you know, a School of Greatness. I wish I remembered who was on as a guest, but.

They had said a hundred days, and I, I looked a little more into it and I'd already got 60, so I was pushing to get to a hundred and at 60 days I'm thinking about this a hundred, thinking like [00:47:00] I'm, it's not enough yet. I don't feel like it's enough. I. I, and yeah, I could, could have easily, just like anything I've, I've been able to, to give up or add or change, you know, to go back after a short time, it would've been easy for me.

Like, we're just programmed that way. We'll find a way to do it easier. And if it's our routine and our habit and it's, it's a trait that we're used to doing, absolutely we're gonna find our way back, back that way sooner. And, and, yeah, if I, if I didn't. Not have, if I had the 0% in the things that tasted like it, or, or if I had, you know, went back to it sooner, you know, not to say it would've gotten worse, but it, it wouldn't have gotten better.

I wouldn't have, you know, learned as much as I've learned since then and, and applied it positively in, in my life.

Stephen Box: yep. And, and it's like now, if you were to decide that you wanted to drink again, you'd have a much better structure around it. You'd have a better plan in place. But after being away from it so long and realizing that you didn't need it, The desire to even go [00:48:00] back to it is just not there.

Sean Robinson: And that's, that's kind of, that's where I'm at. Like, you know, I've, I've got the tools and the confidence to. You know, be in that environment and not have it where I felt like I just had to before, like everybody was doing it and it was just, you know, the, the common theme in the room and, you know, talk about construction, everybody comes back from the weekend and then Mondays in the work trailer were always about, what'd you do this weekend?

And, you know, how bad did you feel yesterday? Like it was, you know, to get through and not need it anymore. Like, yeah, I don't, I don't have to have that mechanism. I'm still gonna be involved in the function. I'm not gonna, you know, Leave early because I'm not drinking. Like I still wanna have a good time. I just don't need that anymore to do it.

Stephen Box: Yeah. what that hits on it, and just to kind of bring this back is, is a point for, for the guys listening to us right now is you didn't sit down and necessarily make a conscious decision to do this, but what you [00:49:00] did was you started to create an identity before that identity existed.

Sean Robinson: Yep. That was what I alluded to earlier about, you know, realizing later where my, this is just who I am mentality, where I thought I had to just keep existing and keep the same habits and routines because this is, this is just where I'm at. You know, I'm gonna be this person because that's just what I'm used to.

Once, once I got to a point later I was like, you know what? Like, I, I don't need to do that anymore. It was, it was absolutely that, that, that moment where I. You know, didn't need to continue on the same path. I could change what it was I thought, made me who I was to be someone that could listen to podcasts and could read books and, and could listen to audiobooks and, you know, could appreciate listening to a Brene Brown or a Mel Robbins book that would've never been okay to talk about in the work trailer or at the fire department [00:50:00] like, We are, we're not doing that, you know, and I don't, I don't care because like, it's, it's given me a lot of tools to be able to, to make myself better and to make me better for my family.

You know, listening to and appreciating different perspectives and different resources.

Stephen Box: Yeah, I mean, it's, it's very interesting. I see this a lot where people who have made positive changes in their life are always happy to share their story, share their experiences, but. Very rarely do you see people who have gone through that kind of transformation trying to force other people to make that transformation, right?

Versus people who are doing a lot of things that might be more negative or might not be helping them. They're very persistent about getting everybody to come along and do it with them, right?

Sean Robinson: Yeah, there was, you know, I, I've, I've never been, you know, the, the extroverted [00:51:00] out there, kind of, kind of type. It was, it was, especially because I was, you know, not wanting to work on things, but not asking questions and being, you know, in my, in my own mind about it, you know, for me to share it. Now it's like, I'm doing it not because it's my comfort zone, but because I needed that.

And, and I'm hopeful that, that anybody that, that, that I can reach with, you know, my story cuz I, like I said, when we started, it's, I don't feel like it's a unique story. I feel like this is, this is very common and something a lot of people deal with. Well, you know, I'm okay talking about it. I'm actually, I'm actually wanting to get it out there even more just so that someone like where I was at, sitting in the lunch trailer or at the fire hall, completely fine with my own masculinity and, you know, completely, you know,

Comfortable in the group, but just feeling like there was something I needed to be able to work on or talk about or, or whatever, you know, just to say like, you know, there's people out there that are doing it and you can do it too.

If, [00:52:00] if, you know, you wanted to just accept that you're not stuck where you are.

Stephen Box: Yeah, I mean that's, you know, for me, man, that was a big part of my passion for, you know, the recent change we made to the podcast, to focusing on men specifically, because I just feel like there's so many guys out there that are living the life that other people want them to live.

Sean Robinson: Mm-hmm.

Stephen Box: They're, giving into the pressure of their buddies. They're, you know, they're doing whatever their significant others telling them to do. Their whole identity is wrapped up. And then just like, I'm a dad and so I just have to do whatever, you know, the kids have going on. And the truth is when we take a step back and we start taking better care of ourself and we start developing that deeper health, We can be in great shape, we can be great employees and leaders at work.

We can be great husbands, we can be great fathers. We don't have to choose. We don't have to just be one thing, and we don't necessarily have to [00:53:00] live into other people's expectations of us. We can set our own expectations and then we can be a light to other people. Because like you mentioned earlier about, you know, your, your weekend trip.

Because you made this decision, you never had to go and start preaching to people. You never had to go start telling people about how much a better life is and how they should all give up alcohol. People saw it, people saw the changes in you, and they said, I want what he has.

Sean Robinson: And then, and it was, it was absolutely, there was, there was times afterwards where I had people that I worked with reach out and, and, you know, from all my circles and just ask questions or, you know, start to talk about different podcasts or books and appreciate different things and, and like, It was almost like in some of my circles, it was, it was inviting other people that were wanting the same or doing the same to start talking about it.

You know, because where I was saying I didn't have that, [00:54:00] you know, didn't know someone that, that I could reach out to, to ask about, oh, what's a good podcast? That, that will gimme some tools, know, teach me about Unshakable habits. What are the, where are these things, you know? I became that for some people and, and it was empowering.

It was great to. Because, no, I didn't want to thrust it on people. I don't, because I wouldn't have been receptive to that. Like I wouldn't have listened to the information I didn't want because I was, you know, stubborn and in my own mind about it. Like, if I didn't want that and it was being thrust upon me, it, I wouldn't have been very receptive to it.

So I'm not about to do that to somebody that doesn't want it. But if somebody asks me questions, like, I want to help that person, I want to say, listen, this is a great podcast and this book is incredible. Like you should check it out. There was, there was a lot of that that, you know, I was wanting to do, but needed the, you know, the right time to do it.

You know, when somebody's looking for it, that's when they're gonna be the most receptive to it.

Stephen Box: Yeah, that's the key, right? And [00:55:00] that's why I always, like with my coaching, I, I have what's called client centered coaching where. I believe in allowing people to decide what they wanna work on, right? Even if it's not gonna be the best thing, even if it's not gonna be like the thing that's gonna create the most change for them or anything else. Where do you wanna start? Where are you most receptive to change right now? Because people do not like to be told what to do. Even when we asked to be told what to do. We don't like being told what to do.

Sean Robinson: Yeah. No, it, yeah. If, if there's something that we, we want to, we want to do, Especially if you're getting started, you know, back to where, where do I get started? You know, if it's, you wanna, you know, start walking more, you know, it's not about getting that person on something else. You know, where they want to start is where they're gonna feel the most,impact because they'll find them their own momentum.

They'll, [00:56:00] they'll be consistent with it. They'll be accountable for it. If. If I didn't want to not drink or I didn't want to brush my teeth, you know, I wouldn't have done it the same way. Right. I would've been very passive with it and, and given up long before it, it became productive.

Stephen Box: Yeah. I think if we just kind of put a bow on this for people, the, the big takeaways here right are number one, start small. Don't try to like, imagine some big, huge thing, right? I always like to give an exercise to people. I call it the, The back to the future exercise. You know, imagine the Doc Brown comes and picks you up in the DeLorean.

So, you know, hopefully everyone listening to this podcast is old enough to get that reference. but you know, imagine, you know, he picks you up, takes you into the future, and you see what your life is gonna look like 10 years from now, right? What do you, what's going on in your life? Where are you? How do you act?

What kind of people around you, what are the things that you do? Like, what does your [00:57:00] life look like day in and day out? And then don't try to be that overnight, but start saying, what kind of behaviors would that person take? You know, going back to those questions that you, that you asked earlier, like, what does a healthy person do?

Right. And it's like, what would that future me do to get to that point? And you could start doing some of that stuff today, even if it's not perfect. Right? So, so that's the first thing. The second thing is, Don't try to make this about some big long-term dream that you're taking on. Just literally take it one day at a time, right?

It doesn't matter how big the steps are, as long as you're always moving forward. And then, you know, the last thing I, I would kind of give people to take away from, you know, this conversation today is you don't have to be stuck. Right. You can get [00:58:00] past all the, the expectations of other people. You can get past being brought up a certain way.

All the thinking, whatever person you are that you feel like you're stuck being, you don't have to be that person. You can change if you want to and, and I really think that that's really what your story illustrates more than anything else is that even though you felt like this is my identity, this is who I am, this is such a huge part of me.

You were still able to change that.

Sean Robinson: Yeah. that's, that's a hundred percent it. Once it became clear to me that, that where I came from or what my influences are, who and what my circles are, the, my environments, once I've realized that, while that's all helped me be who I am, it doesn't have to define everything I can. I can go about.

Changing that and being a different person, and it's not a special story. Everybody has the same, you know, capability to do that. You [00:59:00] know, you don't have to be what, what people are setting out for you to be. You don't have to live that life.

Stephen Box: Yeah, you don't have to play by other people's expectations, and you don't have to continue to be the person that you've always been.

Sean Robinson: That's right.

Stephen Box: But if you like the person you are, then you know, by all means, stay that person. But

Sean Robinson: Yeah.

Stephen Box: if you're not happy, then change something. Do something about it. So, Sean, real quick, if you could, I know you mentioned it earlier, but if you could again, just let people know about your book and also where they can connect with you at.

Sean Robinson: Okay. Yeah. My, my book is called Going Dry, my Path to Overcoming Habitual Drinking, very much the first stage in my journey and, and I think an important stage for. Anybody's journey. It, it's about my relationship with drinking, but it's, it's definitely something that's relatable for any, anything that, that you might be going through.

I've definitely applied it in a lot of other areas. right now I've got, all my socials, my, my [01:00:00] website, SeanRobinson.ca. I've got, links to all, all my podcasts and stuff I've been on. I'm putting as much content there as I can. I've got, you know, I'm on Facebook, going dry and Instagram.

Also going dot dry and Sean Robinson on LinkedIn.

Stephen Box: Okay. And, and we will have links to all that, including links to where to purchase the, book at in the show notes on the website also. so make sure that you, check those out. So, Sean, I want to, thank you very much for, for coming on today and sharing your story and, and some of your insights about what your journey looked like.

really think you, you gave a lot of valuable insights to people today, and I hope that people are walking away with a clear plan on how they wanna move forward and, and taking that very first small step.

Sean Robinson: Yep. Thanks a lot, Stephen. I, I appreciate being here and, and, I've taken a lot of value from, from all of your insights as well.

Stephen Box: I appreciate it, man. And just wanna remind everyone that we are not all [01:01:00] born unshakable. But we can all become Unshakable.

Outro: Thank you for listening to the Unshakable Habits podcast with Coach Stephen Box. Be sure to hit the subscribe button and help us spread the word by sharing the podcast with other men. If you are ready to create Unshakable habits, you can learn more and connect with us at UnshakableHabits.com.